Eight years.

We have just come back from staying for almost three weeks in a friend's home.

I loved her home so much, and spent ages looking at her bits and bobs

and wondering what the significance of some of them.

(One unsmoked cigarette? no idea.)

I loved how her home was put together with things she has made, 

collected and salvaged. Like mine but more so, you know?

I was thinking about my home and the things that I want to do to it.

There is still so much to do.

But then I remembered that it is only 8 years since I changed my life dramatically.

And actually that is not that long really in the scheme of things. 

It takes time to fill in the gaps again with things that are meaningful.

At first when you start again, you just fill the gaps with things that you need.

But this year when Annie decorated the Christmas tree, 

I realised that we have collected Christmas decorations that are meaningful to us.

Birds that Cat gave me, some pottery ones I got from Gill,

some baubles from Michelle and so on. I enjoyed looking at each one

and remembering the reason they are special.

I ordered two ornaments for next year,

one to remember Nana Robbie and one to remember Tahu.

I like to think that every year when we pull out the decorations,

we can remember the people we have lost as well.

This Christmas I found this little wooden Santa in an opshop in Hawera.

I love his little heart, I love how he seems handmade.

I wonder what his story is? For us, he will remind us of the special time

that we spent at Taiporohenui Marae with the Hikuroa whanau.

We left Tahu's ashes there where he belongs

and we take away our precious memories forever.

 And now here I am putting away Christmas for another year.

I am reflecting on how far I have come in the last eight years.

I'm so so grateful for the life that I have now.

I have a qualification and a job that I am proud of.

I have four amazing young people who love me and I love them.

I have a ramshackle home that I love

and a wild and crazy garden that brings us joy.

I've been putting my life back together for eight years

and I think it is beginning to actually come together.

Hurray for second chances.

Hurray for new beginnings.

Let's keep moving forward.